Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
