I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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