i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
