Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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