You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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