I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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