I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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