you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
