This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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