I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
