Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You pole danced in your parka.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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