It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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