he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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