No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
