It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
