we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
