I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
