all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
