She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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