One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
