One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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