I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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