Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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