If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
