Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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