We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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