we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
