): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
