my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In other news, I just burned my penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
