Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
