Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
