I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
