Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
