If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
