They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
