really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
