we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
