That's intense
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
