I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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