she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
