I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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