How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
