pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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