It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This toilet bowl is my home.
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