If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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