That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
