i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
