she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
