I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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