her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
there is glitter all over my balls
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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