umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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