soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
