apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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