1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
