So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
