We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize